Jamil pauses in the middle of his own bedtime routine, which mostly consists of making sure everything is prepped for the next day, including clothes--sue him, he doesn't like making decisions in the morning--and eventually more or less "tucking Kalim in" out of habit. He stops, midway through folding pants, and slowly turns to Kalim, feeling an ominous trepidation.
"Why?" he asks suspiciously. They haven't shared a bed since they were kids and Jamil got tired of helping Kalim with bad dreams.
Kalim flops onto his side and looks at Jamil yearningly. "I miss you!" he says, still smiling. Then, more earnestly, he adds, "I wanna be close to you."
Kalim droops, his arm flopping over the side of the bed. He rolls his legs forlornly over the side too so he can stand up, and shuffles over to put his arms round Jamil from behind.
"Jamiiiil." He puts his chin on Jamil's shoulder. "You never let me kiss you, though."
Jamil doesn't shrug him off, despite how much Kalim is impeding his progress, which as far as Jamil is concerned is already indulging Kalim more than he deserves.
"I don't need to let you because you already do it whenever you want," he grumbles, unseriously. Oblivious as he always is to Kalim's insecurities, he figures this is the same old lighthearted whining.
Kalim hesitates. He thinks that might be sort of a joke, but he isn't confident about his read. There's a question he doesn't want to ask, because he's worried about what the answer is going to be, but...
"I didn't say that," Jamil mumbles, going red. He turns around in Kalim's arms, doing his best to look discerning and unimpressed. "What are you really asking?"
That response is at least a little reassuring, and Kalim is smiling again when Jamil turns round to look at him.
"Nothing!" he insists, immediately distracted by how close Jamil's face is and how pretty he looks with his hair down and blushing like that. "Um. Then, can I kiss you now?"
Jamil of course goes even redder, his eyes darting to the door like there's a chance it could somehow be open with Five lurking there to Perceive them or something. Naturally, it is just as closed as it's been for the past several minutes.
Kalim beams like Jamil has just given him permission to throw a parade. He tugs Jamil closer and lifts one hand to push his hair out of his face, then leans in to kiss him, slowly and almost reverently, like he still can't believe he's allowed to do this.
Then he draws back, his hands still lingering at Jamil's waist.
Jamil goes very still for a moment, the anxiety returning from when Kalim had asked the first time. He's pretty sure he knows what Kalim is actually asking, and it's not--it isn't like he hasn't thought about it, but he isn't ready for that yet. He needs to know exactly how it's going to go first, he doesn't do spontaneity.
And he hasn't figured that out yet (as he tends to get flustered and lose the details in those times that he's tried, in the middle of the night when he's sure Kalim is asleep), so... it can't happen now. Kalim will just have to wait.
Of course, the easiest dodge is to simply pretend like he doesn't know what Kalim means. To try and deescalate things, Jamil gently removes Kalim's hands from his waist under the pretense of needing to return to his Very Important Folding. "Aren't you a little old for that?"
"Noooo," Kalim insists, maturely, flopping onto Jamil's bed and looking up at him hopefully. "You don't have to get up early tomorrow, right? So we could cuddle a little. Or..."
He trails off meaningfully, as if hoping if he doesn't actually say the actual words then Jamil won't get spooked.
Jamil looks at him a moment, chewing this over. It isn't the first time they've shared beds, so he won't be traversing uncharted territory unprepared here, necessarily. And they are in a relationship(?! Jamil is still getting used to thinking of it that way to himself), so it would be a normal thing to do.
And... he'll blame it on their imprint, but it doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world. So.
"Fine," he mumbles eventually, turning back to where he'd left the folded clothing (you know why). "Just let me put these away first."
Jamil ignores him to finish putting things away, making sure it's all away Properly regardless of how much time it takes. If it makes Kalim impatient, that's a bonus. Finally, he returns to the head of the bed and pulls the covers back, his demeanor perfectly businesslike.
"Sure!" says Kalim, scooting over eagerly to make room for him. Jamil has in fact succeeded in making him impatient: he's practically vibrating in place.
As if he'll be getting to sleep now!! Even if the blankets were covering them properly, Jamil is now wide awake after hearing that little declaration. It's not like it's the first time Kalim has ever said it, nor has he ever made any secret of it, but no matter how many times he does it catches Jamil off-guard how easy he makes it sound.
It will never not feel surreal to hear it from him. I love you. He doesn't even care if Jamil says it back.
Which he's never done. For the first time, he considers if he wants to. He immediately tenses with embarrassment at the thought, warm pinpricks traveling from his head down to his feet and almost making him overheat with Kalim right next to him. Worst of all would be the way Kalim would react, so decision made, it's never happening. Kalim will just have to content himself with silence, as always.
Kalim is completely content with silence, not least because he doesn't expect anything different. It's fine! He knows Jamil cares about him because of how he takes care of him even when he doesn't have to, and how flustered he gets about admitting it, and the fact that they're in a relationship now even though it would have been so, so, so much easier and less obviously nervewracking for Jamil if he'd said nothing. And it doesn't matter if Jamil doesn't like Kalim as much as Kalim likes him; the fact that he does at all already feels like a ridiculous dream, except that Malleus would never come up with augmentors and natural souls and katalyth and all that stuff. Kalim is over the moon with just this, even if he really wishes Jamil would hold him or kiss him or shove him down onto the bed and fuck him til he cries.
He shifts a little, trying not to think about that. Fortunately Kalim is really good at not thinking about things, and he has plenty to be occupied with in the present moment regardless. He ventures an arm around Jamil and nuzzles his cheek against the back of his neck.
"You're so warm," he mumbles contentedly. "And you smell so good."
Jamil could leave it there. He could ignore Kalim and pretend to be asleep already until Kalim finally gets the hint and does the same. It would be the smart thing to do, the decision most likely to leave their fragile status quo undisturbed.
Stupidly, he rolls over so that they're face-to-face instead.
"Stop smelling me--" (freak,) "--and go to sleep."
He regrets it immediately, suddenly this close to Kalim looking right at him. Kalim's arm is still around him and his breath is warm against Jamil's face. It reminds Jamil a little too much of those times Jamil had slept in Kalim's bed as children, hidden under the covers and huddling close like they were sharing a secret, when they were still young enough that the difference in their status hadn't yet pulled them irreparably apart. It completely undercuts the stern tone he's trying for.
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"Why?" he asks suspiciously. They haven't shared a bed since they were kids and Jamil got tired of helping Kalim with bad dreams.
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"You can't miss me, we literally live together," he mutters. "You try to kiss me all the time."
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"Jamiiiil." He puts his chin on Jamil's shoulder. "You never let me kiss you, though."
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"I don't need to let you because you already do it whenever you want," he grumbles, unseriously. Oblivious as he always is to Kalim's insecurities, he figures this is the same old lighthearted whining.
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"...Do you want me to stop?"
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"Nothing!" he insists, immediately distracted by how close Jamil's face is and how pretty he looks with his hair down and blushing like that. "Um. Then, can I kiss you now?"
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"F-Fine," he says finally, nearly inaudible.
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Then he draws back, his hands still lingering at Jamil's waist.
"So... can I sleep in your bed?"
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And he hasn't figured that out yet (as he tends to get flustered and lose the details in those times that he's tried, in the middle of the night when he's sure Kalim is asleep), so... it can't happen now. Kalim will just have to wait.
Of course, the easiest dodge is to simply pretend like he doesn't know what Kalim means. To try and deescalate things, Jamil gently removes Kalim's hands from his waist under the pretense of needing to return to his Very Important Folding. "Aren't you a little old for that?"
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He trails off meaningfully, as if hoping if he doesn't actually say the actual words then Jamil won't get spooked.
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"Kalim, come on," he says, jostling Kalim's shoulder.
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"We don't have to do anything," he tries. "I'd be okay with just being next to you."
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And... he'll blame it on their imprint, but it doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world. So.
"Fine," he mumbles eventually, turning back to where he'd left the folded clothing (you know why). "Just let me put these away first."
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"Okay! I promise I won't keep you up or anything!"
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"Move over."
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"Mm. Because I love you," he replies happily, tugging the blankets over them in a rather haphazard fashion. "Goodnight, Jamil!“
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It will never not feel surreal to hear it from him. I love you. He doesn't even care if Jamil says it back.
Which he's never done. For the first time, he considers if he wants to. He immediately tenses with embarrassment at the thought, warm pinpricks traveling from his head down to his feet and almost making him overheat with Kalim right next to him. Worst of all would be the way Kalim would react, so decision made, it's never happening. Kalim will just have to content himself with silence, as always.
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He shifts a little, trying not to think about that. Fortunately Kalim is really good at not thinking about things, and he has plenty to be occupied with in the present moment regardless. He ventures an arm around Jamil and nuzzles his cheek against the back of his neck.
"You're so warm," he mumbles contentedly. "And you smell so good."
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Stupidly, he rolls over so that they're face-to-face instead.
"Stop smelling me--" (freak,) "--and go to sleep."
He regrets it immediately, suddenly this close to Kalim looking right at him. Kalim's arm is still around him and his breath is warm against Jamil's face. It reminds Jamil a little too much of those times Jamil had slept in Kalim's bed as children, hidden under the covers and huddling close like they were sharing a secret, when they were still young enough that the difference in their status hadn't yet pulled them irreparably apart. It completely undercuts the stern tone he's trying for.
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