"I'm sorry!" Kalim says, raising both hands in surrender. "It just didn't seem like a super big deal, and I didn't want to make you worry..."
If those two statements contradict each other no they don't!
"Anyway, um, it doesn't work as well if you say it like 'you need to do this', or if you ask. You can just say 'Tell me these things immediately' and then I'll have to."
If he sounds kind of weirdly keen about that. No he doesn't.
What? I'm not going to do it on purpose, Kalim, that's...
Jamil trails off, because there's no way to complete that sentence that doesn't also apply to what Jamil had already done to Kalim plenty during that time period they never talk about, and also...
...he isn't distracted thinking about the implications of it or anything. After a second he mentally shakes himself back to the present, grateful he doesn't have much of a face like this.
...A-Anyway, that's another rule, then. You have to tell me things like this.
(Not that this has anything to do with relationship boundaries...)
"Okay... I will." Kalim sounds just a tiny bit reluctant, but he agrees -- and not just because his Golem soul insists. He pauses, taking another look around the room.
"...It's really okay if you do it on purpose, though. I don't mind. It's kind of nice to just not have to think about it."
Kalim, it's not a good thing! And it's a topic of conversation Jamil is quickly becoming uncomfortable with! Just--
He almost says something like just focus or just get back on task but realizes just in time that anything he's about to say would be a command, and that is a very loaded thing to invoke right at this moment. He takes a moment to reconsider his phrasing and then says, pointedly, in his most pleasant and child-herding tone of voice:
Why don't you just go find a box for now? There might be something in the kitchen that could work. We can figure out the rest from there.
Kalim sighs, a little disappointed. He really thought Jamil would go for it, and he's not sure what the problem is, exactly...
“A box...?" He sounds unsure about that, too. "Wouldn't it be kind of a bummer to sleep in a box from the kitchen? Maybe if we had a nice one, like one of my jewellery boxes from home..."
He hums, frowning... and then something occurs to him. One hand goes to his brand new chest lid, and he fidgets it open.
"You know... I bet you could fit in here. Then it'd be warm, at least, and we could still be touching without, y'know, having to worry about me rolling over and squashing you."
Jamil hesitates. Kalim has a point--and being able to sleep while touching him would do a lot to quell Jamil's anxiety--not to mention, it's less weird than the skull idea. The drawbacks are that it does look a little cramped, and it's also only slightly less weird than the skull idea.
...All right, he says after a while, dubiously. There's just something really unsettling about the idea of physically riding around in any part of Kalim's body, but he doesn't have another objection. I suppose it's worth a try.
Beaming, Kalim reaches his hand round to the back of his neck for Jamil to climb onto.
"Yeah, maybe it'll be cosy!" he says as he brings him round to the front and holds him up to his chest. "And you'll be able to look out of the little holes."
For a moment Kalim is confused, because he knows he hasn't had the time to put anything else in there, but...
"Oh," he says, alarmed, lifting Jamil back up. "Gosh, sorry, I completely forgot! Ah, um... Well... I can clean it, but... if you want to rest while I do that, what about my head?"
The idea feels weirder to him, too, than his chest, but... it would have all the same advantages. Jamil has to rest somewhere, and with him now either tiny or incorporeal, Kalim would feel a lot better if he was close by.
Jamil continues to wriggle in discomfort for a few seconds, because that is the Inside Of Kalim's Skull they are talking about. Jamil's own hands have been in there. It still makes no sense how Kalim can even walk and talk unscathed with his brain like that--but also, it would mean constant and convenient physical contact, and they really don't have a better alternative. Realistically, the only other option is Kalim's shoulders, and it's incredibly hard to maintain traction on the gold after a while.
So, they're doing this. Great.
F... Fine, he says reluctantly, after several moments of writhing. Just... be careful, all right?
"I will!" Kalim promises, and, bracing himself for how weird he's sure this is going to feel, reaches back with both hands -- one to open the lid and one to hold Jamil up to the hole. He doesn't actually need to open it, because some of the gaps in the filigree are large enough for Jamil to wiggle through on his own, but it feels like it would be rude not to. "Okay, um, can you get inside like that...?"
Unfortunately, yeah. Jamil enters tentatively, tail-first, like he's checking the temperature of pool water. It's warmer in there than he expects it to be, which is disturbing in its own right, but it's better than the alternative. He slips from Kalim's hand and fully into the cavity. It's disquietingly easy to settle like this, tucked into the back of Kalim's head--the space where his brain should be feels almost perfectly shaped for Jamil's new body, providing structure to curl up in but also enough space to move around as he likes. And like this, he can feel Kalim all around him.
It isn't comforting, he insists to himself. It's really, really weird. There was a time when he would have considered this the worst feeling in the world. But right now, it isn't... bad. It's even reassuring, to feel Kalim constantly right there and know nothing has happened to him since the last time he looked.
He inspects the edges of the space a bit, wriggling around on the gold interior. Um. Can you feel that?
"Oh." Kalim straightens up a bit, blinking. "Yeah, I can! It's really weird! But... not bad? My Natural Soul likes it a lot."
Part of him does still feel fairly strongly that there shouldn't be things in there -- especially not things moving around -- but... even apart from how his Natural Soul feels, there's something intimate about it in a way Kalim can't help but enjoy.
Jamil immediately stops moving, hearing that. It's weird, and this is weird, and they're both weird for doing it. This isn't something to like. As soon as he does, though, he's hit with the devastating realization that after everything that's happened today, he's exhausted. He's had all sorts of world-shattering realizations and emotional conversations and spent far too much of his energy. Right here, he's comfortable and warm and hidden and he could go to sleep so easily.
He's about to do that. He's a snake and he's about to fall asleep in the hollow cavity where Kalim's brain should be and he doesn't even mind all that much.
Try... he mumbles, hoping he doesn't sound as sleepy as he suddenly feels. Try closing the lid. He has no excuse for this except that he want to see what it looks like in here when it's dark.
Kalim goes still for a moment when Jamil does, but when Jamil doesn't actually insist on leaving and sleeping somewhere he won't be with Kalim, Kalim relaxes too.
He smiles slightly at the sleepiness in Jamil's voice and slowly lowers the lid.
"What's it like in there?" he asks quietly. "It's weird not being able to see you, but I can still feel you. I think it's kind of nice."
That's the extent of the argument he can make, though, and it's ruined by the way it slurs at the end--unfortunately, Jamil is very comfortable in here, and now that he's all curled up around himself and settled he's getting sleepier by the second. The way the... ground is sloped presses him up against the lid, so he doesn't even have to hold himself up. The original task Jamil had given Kalim he's entirely forgotten.
He'll never say it out loud, but the feeling of being surrounded by Kalim like this feels almost like an embrace, like when Kalim had insisted on sleeping in the same bed only weeks ago--which feels like an impossibly short time. This is the closest he'll probably ever get again. He tries to hold onto that feeling instead of spiraling about it again, and even if that quickly sends him to sleep for real, the sentiment still rings clear through their connection. (How convenient for Jamil to never have to use his words anymore ❤️)
Feeling that actually makes Kalim tear up a little. He's glad he gets to hold Jamil, even if it has to be this way. He's glad Jamil doesn't hate it. And he does... feel a good bit better about all this, if he can keep Jamil close at hand like this.
He, too, has to force himself not to think about the possibility that this is all they'll have from now on, though. Kalim is very good at not thinking about things, but the situation is new enough that it's still hard for him to cleanly avoid accidentally stumbling into thoughts about how he may never get to lean against Jamil again, or kiss him, or feel Jamil's warm, capable hands taking care of him.
He lets himself sit there on the bed for a little while longer, focusing on the things he does like about this. The physical discomfort is all but forgotten at this point, easily overridden by his Natural Soul's enthusiasm for keeping someone he cares about inside him like this. To the Golem it feels natural -- fulfilling, even. And Kalim is happy to agree with it that this kind of intimacy is something he never could have imagined before.
When he feels a little less shaky, he gets up carefully, not wanting to disturb Jamil. He goes to do his best to wash out the nasty stuff inside his chest, in case Jamil wants to sleep in there, too, later -- that idea feels pretty appealing too. Kalim likes the idea of being able to look down and see him poke his head out. And he likes the idea of keeping Jamil next to his heart.*
But next to his brain is good too. Whichever it is, Kalim is determined to take good care of him.
_________________ * He assumes the chest hole must be next to his heart and not where his heart should be because he still has a pulse. Is he right? Who can say,
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no subject
If those two statements contradict each other no they don't!
"Anyway, um, it doesn't work as well if you say it like 'you need to do this', or if you ask. You can just say 'Tell me these things immediately' and then I'll have to."
If he sounds kind of weirdly keen about that. No he doesn't.
no subject
Jamil trails off, because there's no way to complete that sentence that doesn't also apply to what Jamil had already done to Kalim plenty during that time period they never talk about, and also...
...he isn't distracted thinking about the implications of it or anything. After a second he mentally shakes himself back to the present, grateful he doesn't have much of a face like this.
...A-Anyway, that's another rule, then. You have to tell me things like this.
(Not that this has anything to do with relationship boundaries...)
no subject
"...It's really okay if you do it on purpose, though. I don't mind. It's kind of nice to just not have to think about it."
no subject
He almost says something like just focus or just get back on task but realizes just in time that anything he's about to say would be a command, and that is a very loaded thing to invoke right at this moment. He takes a moment to reconsider his phrasing and then says, pointedly, in his most pleasant and child-herding tone of voice:
Why don't you just go find a box for now? There might be something in the kitchen that could work. We can figure out the rest from there.
no subject
“A box...?" He sounds unsure about that, too. "Wouldn't it be kind of a bummer to sleep in a box from the kitchen? Maybe if we had a nice one, like one of my jewellery boxes from home..."
He hums, frowning... and then something occurs to him. One hand goes to his brand new chest lid, and he fidgets it open.
"You know... I bet you could fit in here. Then it'd be warm, at least, and we could still be touching without, y'know, having to worry about me rolling over and squashing you."
no subject
...All right, he says after a while, dubiously. There's just something really unsettling about the idea of physically riding around in any part of Kalim's body, but he doesn't have another objection. I suppose it's worth a try.
no subject
"Yeah, maybe it'll be cosy!" he says as he brings him round to the front and holds him up to his chest. "And you'll be able to look out of the little holes."
no subject
Kalim, there's still STUFF IN THERE!
no subject
"Oh," he says, alarmed, lifting Jamil back up. "Gosh, sorry, I completely forgot! Ah, um... Well... I can clean it, but... if you want to rest while I do that, what about my head?"
The idea feels weirder to him, too, than his chest, but... it would have all the same advantages. Jamil has to rest somewhere, and with him now either tiny or incorporeal, Kalim would feel a lot better if he was close by.
no subject
So, they're doing this. Great.
F... Fine, he says reluctantly, after several moments of writhing. Just... be careful, all right?
(What for, he has no idea. It's Just Weird.)
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It isn't comforting, he insists to himself. It's really, really weird. There was a time when he would have considered this the worst feeling in the world. But right now, it isn't... bad. It's even reassuring, to feel Kalim constantly right there and know nothing has happened to him since the last time he looked.
He inspects the edges of the space a bit, wriggling around on the gold interior. Um. Can you feel that?
no subject
Part of him does still feel fairly strongly that there shouldn't be things in there -- especially not things moving around -- but... even apart from how his Natural Soul feels, there's something intimate about it in a way Kalim can't help but enjoy.
no subject
He's about to do that. He's a snake and he's about to fall asleep in the hollow cavity where Kalim's brain should be and he doesn't even mind all that much.
Try... he mumbles, hoping he doesn't sound as sleepy as he suddenly feels. Try closing the lid. He has no excuse for this except that he want to see what it looks like in here when it's dark.
no subject
He smiles slightly at the sleepiness in Jamil's voice and slowly lowers the lid.
"What's it like in there?" he asks quietly. "It's weird not being able to see you, but I can still feel you. I think it's kind of nice."
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That's the extent of the argument he can make, though, and it's ruined by the way it slurs at the end--unfortunately, Jamil is very comfortable in here, and now that he's all curled up around himself and settled he's getting sleepier by the second. The way the... ground is sloped presses him up against the lid, so he doesn't even have to hold himself up. The original task Jamil had given Kalim he's entirely forgotten.
He'll never say it out loud, but the feeling of being surrounded by Kalim like this feels almost like an embrace, like when Kalim had insisted on sleeping in the same bed only weeks ago--which feels like an impossibly short time. This is the closest he'll probably ever get again. He tries to hold onto that feeling instead of spiraling about it again, and even if that quickly sends him to sleep for real, the sentiment still rings clear through their connection. (How convenient for Jamil to never have to use his words anymore ❤️)
no subject
He, too, has to force himself not to think about the possibility that this is all they'll have from now on, though. Kalim is very good at not thinking about things, but the situation is new enough that it's still hard for him to cleanly avoid accidentally stumbling into thoughts about how he may never get to lean against Jamil again, or kiss him, or feel Jamil's warm, capable hands taking care of him.
He lets himself sit there on the bed for a little while longer, focusing on the things he does like about this. The physical discomfort is all but forgotten at this point, easily overridden by his Natural Soul's enthusiasm for keeping someone he cares about inside him like this. To the Golem it feels natural -- fulfilling, even. And Kalim is happy to agree with it that this kind of intimacy is something he never could have imagined before.
When he feels a little less shaky, he gets up carefully, not wanting to disturb Jamil. He goes to do his best to wash out the nasty stuff inside his chest, in case Jamil wants to sleep in there, too, later -- that idea feels pretty appealing too. Kalim likes the idea of being able to look down and see him poke his head out. And he likes the idea of keeping Jamil next to his heart.*
But next to his brain is good too. Whichever it is, Kalim is determined to take good care of him.
_________________
* He assumes the chest hole must be next to his heart and not where his heart should be because he still has a pulse. Is he right? Who can say,